They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
