nut hugger
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Drunk is not a location!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
