Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
