the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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