he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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