3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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