i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
