I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
