we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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