she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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