i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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