Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
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if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
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It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping