do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
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You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
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I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.