I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place