the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth