By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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