My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
