She said her name was "party"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
my poor anus
did you just send me my own nude
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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