Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
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Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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