She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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