you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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