You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
