Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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