Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
