I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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