i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
