Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
