so that wasnt chicken after all
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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