I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
