You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
