Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
