Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
