You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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