I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
