I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
