Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
