Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
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She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
His nipple licking is glorious
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