isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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