Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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