So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
