Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
