I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
