I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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