if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
