Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
