So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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