Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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