Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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