i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
