I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
just tell him i said nine months
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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