My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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