you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
