this beer tastes like vomit already
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
