He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
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