i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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