The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
