I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
