There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I have tasted many bathrooms
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
