the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
