Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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