A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
