Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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