I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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