hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
