Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
no you cant smoke seaweed
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Who put my cat in the fridge?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
