Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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