Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
It's just like the Real World with babies
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
