she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
