New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
