if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
