You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
