she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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