I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
