Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize