It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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