Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
