i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
