i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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