All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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