I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Is Oprah even human
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
