This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
