Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
