Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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