I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
