What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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