I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
