that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
