my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
