just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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