I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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