I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
