either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
