Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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