worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
